“The making of a great compilation tape, like breaking up, is hard to do and takes ages longer than it might seem. You gotta kick off with a killer, to grab attention. Then you got to take it up a notch, but you don’t wanna blow your wad, so then you got to cool it off a notch. There are a lot of rules. Anyway…I’ve started to make a tape… in my head…”
Nick Hornby, High Fidelity
Here is a rundown of how I see my summer going…
12 Pack Tudies (getting reeeeally drunk)
Close call with a firework
SALTWATER TAFFY AIN”T SEXY MIX
“Ball Hugger” by Leeway
“Give Me Charlie Harper” by The Bus Station Loonies
“Shit For Brains” by Schlong
“Nightmare” by The Casualties
“The Ritual” by 1919
“My Better Half” by One Last Wish
“They” by Goodbye Harry
“1980’s Drowning Me” by The Chinkees
“Kill Your Television” by Ned’s Atomic Dustbin
“Supermarket Fantasy” by Screeching Weasel
“Oh Bondage, Up Yours!” by X-Ray Spex
“Seeing Red” by Minor Threat
“Annabel Lee” by Tiger Army
“Zurich Is A CocaineTown” by The Peacocks
“Easy Life” by Goober Patrol
“My Bodies A Zombie For You” by Dead Man’s Bones
Dead Man’s Bones is a side project of actor Ryan Gosling who happens to be in Detroit shooting “How To Catch A Monster” starring Matt Smith aka Dr. Who. Could someone please hide my girlfriend because that’s her celebrity crush 1 and 3 in town. Fuck my life.
Every week Friday at 7:00pm Elitist Geezer Punk Radio on Tapdetroit.com will be providing you with a mixtape that pays due credit to the punk scenes of the 70’s, 80’s, 90’s and that’s it. If you were in a band or knew some bands or collected any CD’s of local punk bands please send us your shit at…
…or even if you just have a great story from your days of Dr. Martens Boots and chain wallets jot it down in an email along with a song request and, who knows, I’ll probably play it.
FROM THE HEART: The Cronut Fad
SPORTS: Game 6 Miami vs San Antonio
BEST OF THE BS: Juneteenth, Kanye and J Cole Albums,
WOMANS WORD: Man of Steel, Health Body
HATE SEGMENT: Douche, and Hoe Baths
Your Weekly Inspirational Quotes
“Excellence is the best deterrent to racism or sexism.”
Oprah, livin’ large
“People know abou the Klan and overt racism, but the killing of one’s soul little by little, day after day, is a lot worse than someone coming in your house and lynching you.”
Samuel L Jackson, Bad Ass Motherfucker
“I love my KKK bitch, I love it when she suck me though.”
Ice T, breaking down the walls of racism with his dick
“After another week off the air The Tudies returned to full form. Strange philosophical highways were traversed, in a combined effort by its two capable hosts, to find the very center of human truth and moral righteousness.”
Nobody in the history of man
Actually we talked about jerking it and the cartoon/video game characters we would like to most bone. So…you know…regular Tudies.
Sam and I (no Plankman, my guess is he is still fighting off the hangover from his B-day bash last Tuesday) looked into the relevance of Jimmy Hoffa and whether or not the FBI should be wasting it’s time on digging for bones.
Yes, for the 7th (8th, 9th,400th?) time the Feds are digging for Hoffa’s bones. Let’s ignore that they have had 2 confessions and countless leads that have lead nowhere. Does it really solve anything? Do we really need to find Jimmy Hoffa? The man was declared legally dead in 1982, I was born in 1982! At this point in time Jimmy would be 100 years old. I’m pretty sure he’s dead and finding the body won’t solve the crime of who rubbed the bastard out. What, was he buried with a chest of gold doubloons? Which means the FBI is the governmental equivalent of The Goonies. Also, there are still terrorists, right? Maybe we should try and find them 1st? Maybe? Guys? Anyone? No? We’re going to dig up some poor bastards backyard in an attempt to find a man who disappeared in the early 70’s? Also, a man with heavy ties to the mafia? Good way to spend resources FBI…morons.
Was that a fart? No it was the 12 PACK TUESDAY HEEEERRROOOOOO OF THE WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!!!!!
Last week we didn’t do a show but our hero was sooooo good that I had to transfer her over to this week.
THE DUNKIN DONUTS C*NT (CUNT).
If you aren’t hip to this story, Taylor Chapman went to a Dunkin Donuts late one night and ordered a bunch of food with her friends. That particular Dunkin Donuts has a “if you don’t get a receipt, your meal is free” policy. Well, Ms. Chapman wasn’t given a receipt in what she felt was an appropriate time and was entitled to free food. Now, the actual policy is that the free meal is given to you on your next visit. Which I feel is reasonable. Sam felt the same way. Taylor Chapman not so much. Chapman went in the next day with her camera taking a video of her confrontation with the donut Gestapo. Problem is, is that the staff was nothing but courteous and obliging. They took her order and sympathized with her the entire way. Meanwhile, Taylor Chapman is acting like Dunkin Donuts took a shit in her Café Coolata. Here’s a few excerpts from Chapman’s rant…
“This is all being under video surveillance.”
“I can’t wait to post this shit on Facebook.”
“Well guess what? This shits about to go live, bitch. Right on Facebook.”
“Cause I already posted what your dumb ass did last night. So I hope you’re happy with your little fucking sand nigger self. Cause I’m about to nuke your whole fucking planet from Mars. You think ya’ll are tough big fat Arabs bombin’ the TradeCenter? I’ll show you tough.”
Remember these comments are because of not getting a receipt for a late night Dunkin Donuts run. What the hell did this cunt think was going to happen when she posted this video? Did she really believe that she was the one being oppressed? Well the internet responded in the greatest way possible trolling this horrible person until she was forced to take down her Facebook and LinkdIn pages. Her final status update that people found was this…
“Fuck off losers. I was exposing racism and raising awareness. And I know you all were thinking exactly what I said. So fuck you weakling.”
No we didn’t all think that. I thought ‘wow that Dunkin Donuts employee is really nice’. If I was him I would of taken a shit in her Café Coolata.
LET’S ALL GO TO THE LOBBY. LET’S ALL GO TO THE LOBBY, LET’S ALL GO TO THE LOBBBBBBBYYYYYYYY….AND JERK OFF ON SOME FEET.
Hey, maybe things were different in my hometown.
So in the coming (or cumming) weeks 12 Pack Tudies is going to host a little game in trying to guess the opening weekend box office of the big summer blockbusters. We will invite you the listener in on the fun and sometime soon have prizes for the winners. This week we started the game with 2 mega-hits…
World War Z. Here is my issue with this movie. Brad Pitt. Right now you are probably thinking, “hey dude, Brad Pitt is awesome bro. go suck a fat D.”. First things first YOU SUCK A FAT D and secondly you are thinking of hyper-cool late 90’s to 2001 Brad Pitt. Fight Club Brad Pitt. This isn’t that BP. Here is the outline of his WWZ character “retired United Nations employee Gerry Lane”. Wow. Awesome. A United Nations employee. Sorry, retired UN employee. Here is a quote I got from the end of the world via my time machine…
“oh my god the world is going to end!!! Where is your god now!!!! Who can help us!!!! Hey look a retired United Nations Employee…we are saved. The world isn’t going to end thanks to that guy who filed papers for the Zaire consulate…you guys we are saved!!!!!”
Wait that never happened.
Sam had a better opinion thinking that our collective zombie obsession would bolster the weekend take so he guessed $100 million and I put it at somewhere near $80 million.
Monsters University. These Pixar films are just a legal way to print money. The original made 63 million in its’ open so I wagered it would be more. I believe Sam put it at $80 and I threw $100 into the mix.
Next week we will look at the numbers and bet on a new set of movies.
STREET OFF BEAT OFF!!!!
So I know most of you guys out there think you have mastered the art of self-erotica but you haven’t…science just did in the form of the VRSexKit. Get your dick off…in the future!!!!!!!!! Yes, Thrixxx.com (because three X’s means sexxxy) is in the works to create a VR sexual experience. A multi-component masturbation tool that goes with interactive 3D adult gaming. Basically take The Sims or Second Life and add in realistic boning. The VRSEXKIT includes VR googles, a mandwave reader, Microsoft Kinect motion capture camera, and a USB Fleshlight. So, you hook your Fleshlight up to an electrical device. You are fucking a computer…congrats.
I posed a fewe questions to Sam and the chatroom on some of the aspects of this 3D sex gaming like,
Would you faithfully recreate your body?
What would your VR cock look like?
Would you create regulr looking girls to bang or recreate famous cartoon/video game characters?
Sam said he would make himself but at age 25 when he was all muscly. I said I would make myself taller…than the towering 6’ 6” I stand at now. Maybe 8’ 3”. Sam also said he would make a VR approximation of his real life Whangus. I said I would make mine like a tuna can. Fat and stubby. Like way too fat and waaaay too stubby. So I guess just like in real life. Then we turned to the chatroom for what fictional characters we would all bang and the results we very telling. Tha Baroness from GI Joe, Flynn Rider from Tangled, Shang from Mulan, Sam wanted to bang Ariel, the mermaid version, from The Little Mermaid, and I chose Pikachu…no..wait…Cheetara from Thundercats…HOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Grabbing onto the Sword of Omens and bring up my Claw Sheild to protect Thundera,
Defeater of Mumm-Ra James T Poling, TSOL, PCP, OPP