Your Weekly Inspirational Quotes
“If you get a good wife, you’ll become happy; if you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher”
Socrates, diddled kids man…kids
“One should always be in love. One should never marry.”
Oscar Wilde, lived in the late 1800’s and was gay…nuff said
“A good husband is never the first to go to sleep at night or the last to awake in the morning.”
Honore de Balzac, BWAHAHAHA….BALZAC?
Well we finally found out what happens when Mark Wahlberg takes over the Tudies and how Skeletor and Bane deal with their relationship issues.
1.Mark Wahlberg will try to steal your girlfriend with aggressive use of abs
2.Bane is a top but Skeletor defines himself as a power bottom.
Yes, I was all by my lonesome in studio with Sam still adjusting to his new life schedule and Plankman had holed up somewhere in a possum (opossum? Seriously there used to be an O there when we were little kids) blind searching for the legendary Possum King One Eyed SnakeKiller. Lucky for me Olin Ezra and The Force were handy and joined in the fun. I would have called in Olde Time co-host Jason MossyBurgy but Shotgun Soul was a finalist in the Chene Park Battle of the Bands. I will update as soon as I know if they won. Anyway, as per the usual it was an ADHD kind of show as Olin has the ability to derail my train of thought easily and I love a good thought derailment.
Soooo the FBI saved a bunch of kids from a life of child prostitution and arrested 150 “pimps” sadly no one named Sweet Willy The Gangsta Gangsta, Mack of All Time was not among the men arrested. Seriously, pimps used to be awesome….well, not awesome. They still beat women into having sex with strangers for money and then took that money and spent it on expensive shoes and coats but they at least had a style back in the days. Now it’s a dude named Reggie who wears flip-flops and track pants. Still I thought with how much we bash the various federal agencies (FBI, CIA, NSA, NCIS, SVU, CIS, CSI: Miami) I thought it would be nice to remind ourselves that these people actually do good in the community and we should be happy they exist. With every wire-tapping story or tale of gross negligence I feel our faith in our governmental services dies a little but this was a story that made me go “exactly why we have you FBI!. Good job! Now do more of these types of things!”.
You know who shouldn’t do more types of things of the things that they were doing?
Did that sentence read as confusing as it was to type?
IT’S TIME FOR THE 12 PACK TUESDAYS HEROOOOO OF THE WEEEEEEEEEEEEK!!!!!
This week we travel to the far off land they call…Michigan. Oh wait, that’s where we live. Julia Merfeld of Muskegon was having a moment of crisis as she felt her marriage had reached it’s end but didn’t to put herself, her husband or her 2 young children through the heartbreak of family dissolution. So she hired a hitman to shoot her hubby in the face. Well, actually she asked the hitman to break his neck. The hitman said he’d rather use a gun or knife and Julia agreed as long as it was “painless”. You know what else is painless? NOT BEING STABBED IN THE FACE BY A HITMAN HIRED BY YOUR WHORE WIFE!!!!!!!! Merfeld also had qualms about making it look like a robbery because she had a friend lined up to move in after the hit and felt her friend wouldn’t move in if she felt the house was a target. That’s nice to consider the feelings of your friend AS YOU PLOT THE MURDER OF THE FATHER OF YOUR CHILDREN YOU CUUUUUUNTTT!
Man, one show with Olin Ezra and you really like screaming at people.
HEY READ THIS AND DON’T SKIP OVER ANY PARTS…
“It was slowly dawning on Skeletor that He-man had no intention of killing him today. The prince of Eternia stood over him and laughed as Skeletor struggled against the chains and leather straps that held him in place. Skeletor felt that his clothes had been removed and his musty old asshole was pointed towards the sky. He-man was staring into the distance beckoning forward someone as if calling forward a pet. Skeletor heard the growls just as the claws sunk into his back. His asshole wheezed a dry fart and launched dust into the dank dungeon air. He-man was going to watch as Battle Cat tiger-raped the skeleton lord and watch he did.”
That is a small snippet from the fan fiction piece I wrote for the Fanfiction Battle Royale set for last night that never happened cuz Sammy didn’t show. It hurts me a little that this came out of my brain. All of the things that happened happened in my brainspace. EEEWWWWWWWWWWW. Tune in next week for more as (hopefully) Sam and I read our own fan fiction in the style of…
Sonic The Hedgehog
And by the way I wrote that in 10 minutes without much thought soooooo if I take time I can write a lot worse. Lemme put it to you this way here is a list of He-Man characters I can remember
Mecha-Neck (a robot with a periscope neck…like a huge robo-dickneck)
Fisto (a dude with a huge steel fist…that wrote itself)
Ram Man (yeah RAM man)
Stinkor (a skunk man)
How is it not a gay porn? No idea, brah.
Well that’s about it man. You can listen to the super sweet podcast or head over to the archive for free download and listen. Also once in a while you can tune in on Tuesday nights at 8pm. I heard the show is best when consumed fresh. A lot like fish but without the Omega 3 fatty acids and krill oil but, hey, no fishy aftertaste or smell. I mean, there could be but that is totally on you. We don’t come in your house and throw fish guts on you or anything. Except that one time but Dave totally deserved it.
Angrily smashing fishes into a fine throwing paste,
Longshoremen James T Poling, The Gortons Fisherman
Mike’s lengthy island bike ride reminds him of his own mortality. Detroit politics keep getting weirder and weirder and why tearing up your “mancard” is the manliest thing a man can do.